just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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