You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
