don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
