I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Boobs are out for the taking
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
