No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
