hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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