I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
