i just google imaged poop.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I need to stop coming to work sober
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
