You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
