just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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