My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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