I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
