two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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