I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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