Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
