found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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