tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
