Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
