did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
