WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My bed smells like the plague
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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