dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
