and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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