i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
