best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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