I think I am morally bankrupt
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
