The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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