It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
