he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
