Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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