Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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