Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
