Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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