I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
