The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
