sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
