At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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