Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
