Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
