I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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