just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
