who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
