Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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