Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
