They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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