This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
