Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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