U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
