I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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