He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
50% drunk capacity currently
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
