just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
