If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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